Monday, May 31, 2010

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I hate living.

I hate living. Ultimately. I hate how in order to get food, and pay rent, there is more opportunity to be fake, in order to get the money, to eat, and pay rent.
I fucking hate this whole earth sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to be apart of it at all. Sometimes I wonder why my mum didn't warn me how bullshit life really is, and that if you want to do what you genuinely want to do, it will be hard, and no-one will really give a shit. But if you want to do something you genuinely don't want to do, SURE we have plennnnty of options for you.
Where the fuck do emotions come from? Why do we get these notions like 'I'm a failure' or 'I can't? WHERE do they come from? Where man?

Why do I want to die? Why do I not want to exist anymore? Shouldn't I want to? Everyone tries so fucking hard to look good, and be cool, and be a success. Why don't I care? Why does this fake little society that we have try so hard to look so great and be so caring, and I don't like it?

Why didn't it work with me?

I don't want to be apart of this. There must be other ways.

Why do I sit here and wish I were dead? Don't I have amazing friends that I would rather hang with? Isn't life just so great? Why would i want to die?

Everything, everything from now on, is one big lie. I don't believe anything. All I believe is that everything is fake.

I just don't understand. It's like, I need to give people money, and I need to eat. Where can I get the money from? I don't know.

I just want to be able to eat and sleep in a bed without having to be fake.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Well ya know what? It's a freaking big atmosphere out there. It's real big!
This is the first time I have blogged in a year!
What happened?
You know when you can see two things in one picture, I have this picture of Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin when he was a kid, and they're standing with a monkey with pink shorts on and purple bandana around his neck. But then there's another thing I see and it looks like what I thought was Cher with long hair and eye makeup with a purple bandana around the bottom half of her face. Aaargh.